On the day after you’ve done a load of laundry, when all of your essentials are at their freshest, cleanest, and most accessible, what is it you reach for first?
When it comes to my socks, underwear, and yoga pants it goes a little something like this:
First, I pull out the styles that are tolerable but not great. The shorts are a little too tight, the underwear aren’t my softest or cutest and they’re probably bright pink or striped. The socks are my boring gym socks, inoffensive, but not too bad. If I was to put them on a scale, they’re in the 4.5-6.5/10 zone.
After knocking out my mid-tier staples, comes the time of willful torture: when for some reason I decide to push through the styles that I’d rate on average 3/10. It could be socks that slip a little, the sports bra with built-in foam cups (who thought this was ever a good idea) or the weird ruffle underwear that says “pasta bene” on them (I got them free from a work event…).
When I try to come up with an argument about why this is the time in my laundry cycle when I wear things I don’t even like, I tell myself that I like the reward of getting them out of the way. I’m holding out for what’s to come.
Third in the lineup, finally comes my favorites, reserved for the right occasion.
My favorite running leggings get earmarked for the day when I’m planning a longer run or I feel so unmotivated that they serve as a little boost. The socks that look particularly good with my loafers have been saved for the night I have a work dinner (my holy grail socks are a Kith x Wilson collab similar to these that hit perfectly above the ankle). For days when I’m dressing up, I break out the lacy Hanky Panky underwear I got on a press trip to the Hamptons that makes it feel like I’m wearing nothing at all. (Side note: I guess an inordinate amount of my underwear is free work underwear).
Left over in the drawers of my vintage lowboy are my 1/10 emergency styles. Honestly, I usually don’t let my laundry get to this point. They should have been thrown out already, but I’ve held onto them on the implausible off chance that some dire situation will occur and all of my good underwear is suddenly unavailable. Perhaps I’m trapped in my house during a hurricane? Perhaps I will buy a van, and go on a cross-country roadtrip with no laundry available?
In my delusions, it’s better to have bad than nothing at all (and a friend I asked who just threw out her final pair of Limited Too underwear from high school is proof that I’m not alone).
Here’s a very official graphic I’ve drawn to better illustrate the way I approach my laundering / wearing habits.
Why am I like this? Do I derive some sort of strange satisfaction in getting my mediocre options out of the way first? All I know is that when I’m getting close to a laundry day, if I haven’t worn my favorite running shorts yet, I’ll break them out. It feels like I’m gaming the system to know that I won’t have to wait weeks for the chance to wear them again.
Maybe it’s a Capricorn trait to stubbornly ride out threadbare socks. Perhaps, I come from a place of fear — that a bad day will come and all I’ll have is my sad, uncomfortable negligee to get me through.
Like any good inquiring mind, I took this dilemma to my group chat. Does everyone wear their underwear in such a chaotic, heinous order?
Hannah: Wears her best first but is conflicted (“I don’t have laundry in my building and I’m like damn, now I won’t see those again for 2-3 weeks.”). When she hits the bad ones, it’s time for laundry.
This is practical, this makes sense. Why am I not more like Hannah?
Maria: Favorites first, but saves specifics for the right outfit (like nude Skims she keeps for sheer pants).
Again, logical and also indulging in the good things. This is a woman who is a pro at knowing her wardrobe.
Then there is Leah, a fellow Capricorn (we actually share the same bday, go figure)
Leah: Only wears workout clothes from Alo and Stella McCartney x Adidas. Buys the same underwear in bulk, and ditches a sock the minute it has a hole.
Leah is the final boss of underwear. She does not fuck with mediocrity. I respect her and now I know that my issues have nothing to do with my birthday.
According to the extremely reliable source of Wikipedia, delayed gratification is the resistance to the temptation of an immediate pleasure in the hope of obtaining a valuable and long-lasting reward in the long-term.
In this little game I’m playing with myself every morning, I’m still trying to derive what exactly is the long-term long-lasting reward I’m saving all of my good will towards. Maybe the answer is there really isn’t one.
You know that feeling when you have to write down a word, and suddenly the spelling seems off and you can’t figure out how you’ve written that word the same way your whole life and never stopped to think about how strange of a word it is? That’s how I feel about the great basics conundrum: I’ve been doing it this way for years, only to wake up one day and think “why the hell are half of my socks horrible and how do I fix this?”
I feel as though I’ve begun to itch for a change — life’s too short to wear weird underwear, right? Perhaps like Jerry Seinfeld I should embrace the Golden Boy mentality — wear the favorites. Though the lack of laundry in my apartment makes it a bit more risky to throw on what I love, perhaps committing to eliminating mediocrity, or at least terrible emergency socks is the way to enlightenment.
On this note: I want to shout out a few options that I really do love, because I hope that if like me, your everyday essentials are wallowing in mediocrity, that you too may enjoy a little upgrade.
Have any recs? Shout them out in the comments!
Underwear: Araks for fancy, Cou Cou for cotton everyday, Hanky Panky for lacy everyday, Aerie for affordable
Socks: Comme Si for dressy, Nike or On Running for everyday, In-n-Out if your want compliments lol
Running: Hoka shorts, Nike running leggings, classic Nike sports bra